Hamlet Monologue Parody

I came across this cute parody of Hamlet's monologue in Act III, scene i. Sorry it's in an odd formatting.

To eat, or not to eat, that is the question. Whether tis nobler in the stomach to suffer the slings and arrows of hunger, or to take mouths and by digesting end them.

To bloat, to eat, no more, and by eating we say we end the stomach ache and the thousand natural pangs that digestive systems are ere to. Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.

To bloat, to eat, to eat. Perchance to fulfill? Ay, there’s the rub. For in that meal of nourishment what fulfillment may come must give us pause. There’s the respect that makes calamity of so long bulimia.

For who would bear the hunger and malnutrition of time? The food corporation’s wickedness, the proud anorexic’s contumely, the pangs of despis’d hunger, the law’s delay, and the spurns that a good appetite by the unworthy takes when you yourself your acquaintance could make with a perfectly good stingray.

Who would fardels bear to suffer under the veil of famine, but that the dread of something after the meal, the undiscovered course from whose satiation no feeder returns, puzzles the will, and makes us rather eat those fish we have, than swim to others that might not taste as good.

Thus conscience doth make dolphins of us all, and thus the native hue of resolution to feed is sicklied over with the pale cast of thought. And meals of great pith and moment with this regard, their ocean currents turn awry and lose the name of action.

Thus conscience doth make dolphins of us all

And thus the native hue of vegetarianism is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought.

Soft you now, fair Lionfish! — Nymph, in thy orisons. Be all my sins remembered.

Blogging Hamlet:: Act II, Scene ii

1. Summary: Act II scene ii is a scene of mammoth proportions. I'll try my best to summarize it in a clear and concise fashion, but I make no promises.
This scene opens with the arrival of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, both of whom are Hamlet's friends from Whittenberg. The King and Queen, concerned about Hamlet's lunatic behavior, send the pair to spy on him. Polonius then enters, announcing the return of Voltimand, an ambassador to Norway, who brings news of its aged king. Voltimand begins his tale. The Norwegian king rebuked Fortinbras for attempting to attack Denmark. However, when Fortinbras vowed to never again attack Denmark, the king gave Fortinbras a grand sum of money and urged him to attack Poland instead. Now, Fortinbras asks permission to march through Denmark to reach Poland. Relieved that Fortinbras failed in his attempt to attack Denmark, Claudius hastily announces that he will see to the business later and dismisses Voltimand. Polonius then expresses his own qualms regarding Hamlet. He ironically begins an unnecessarily grandiloquent explanation on the importance of succinctness before finally offering his own explanation for Hamlet's apparent madness: the prince is madly in love with his daughter, Ophelia. After he reads one of Hamlet's many love letters, Polonius sees Hamlet on the balcony and quickly concocts a plan. He decides to send Ophelia to talk to Hamlet. Hiding in the curtains, he, the king, and the queen, will be able to hear the couple's conversation. The King and Queen assent to this plan and exit, leaving Polonius alone with Hamlet. Polonius attempts to strike up a conversation with the latter, but the only result seems to be a display of cold irritability from Hamlet. The prince even calls Polonius a "fishmonger." Polonius leaves, observing that while some of Hamlet's responses were seemingly erratic, they were actually "pregnant" with veiled insults. (Almost done!) Rosencrantz and Guildenstern meet the unhappy Hamlet who laments his disappointments of Denmark. Hamlet then pressures his friends until they admit to have been sent as spies. Rosencrantz then mentions a theater troupe that is performing near the castle. Hamlet becomes excited and invites his friends to stay at Elsinore. In the castle, Hamlet warmly welcomes the troupe and asks a member to perform an excerpt depicting the fall of Troy and the deaths of the Trojan king and queen. Hamlet is deeply moved by the scene, and accompanies the actor to his room. Along the way, Hamlet asks if the troupe could perform The Murder of Gonzago with a few added lines by himself. The actor accepts. Hamlet then goes to a private room and begins his monologue, which will be explored in the upcoming sections.

2. Quote:

"What’s Hecuba to him or he to Hecuba

That he should weep for her? What would he do

Had he the motive and the cue for passion

That I have? He would drown the stage with tears

And cleave the general ear with horrid speech,

Make mad the guilty and appall the free..."
~Hamlet, lines 518 to 523

I really found Hamlet's monologue to be quite interesting. To me, the passage almost gives off a general air of confused bipolarity. His (perhaps) feigned madness seems to trickle into his speech as he jumps from self-pity to incredulousness to more self-pity to fearful doubt to ravenous bloodthirstiness. Anyway, I can relate to Hamlet in this excerpt as he incredulously observes the tears the actor had shed during his monologue. I'm not saying that I too wallow in self pity, but I understand where he is coming from. These lines effectively depict the internal strife Hamlet is experiencing. I also sense that Hamlet is almost tempted to express his knowledge to others from the way he broods over what would happen if the actor knew the horrific acts of Claudius.

3. Reaction to Polonius:
To me, Polonius comes off as just a petty, unworthy henchman who has delusions of grandeur. Surprisingly, instead of being ticked off as Hamlet is at Claudius's goon, I am finding myself rather enjoying his shallow complacency. I must admit I laughed at his topsy-turvy speech on the merits of conciseness. I also found his intellectual defeat at the hands of Hamlet to be quite entertaining. How can an old man be out witted by a half-crazed college student? Lastly, I loved how the actor from the movie portrayed Polonius during the actor's monologue. Trying to redeem himself after Hamlet chastises him for being philistine, Polonius vaguely says "that's good, that's good" in a desperate attempt to make himself look cultured. Nice try Polonius.

My view of Polonius:

Hamlet Response

I really liked She Said She Said's concise blog post about Hamlet, Act I Scene ii. We shared many of the same thoughts about Hamlet's father's ghost, like why doesn't the ghost speak to anyone but Hamlet? Is he going crazy? These are a few ideas that I also had. Well, great minds think alike, right? :D

Blogging Hamlet, Act I, Scene iv

1. Summary: Hamlet, Marcello, and Horatio stand guard outside Elsinore to watch for the ghost. Hamlet explains the Danish custom of carousing, and bitterly imagines the other countries' negative view of the aristocracy of Denmark. The ghost then appears and beckons Hamlet. Hamlet's companions warn Hamlet about following the phantom, believing that he could get harmed. Nevertheless, Hamlet follows the ghost.

2. Quote: "But to my mind, though I am native here and to the manner born, it is a custom more honored in the breach than the observance. This heavy-handed revel east and west makes us traduced and taxed of other nations. They clep us drunkards, with swinish phrase soil our addition; and indeed it takes from our achievements, though performed at height, the pith and marrow of attribute."
During these lines, I really feel for Hamlet and his kingdom. I understand where Hamlet is coming from; the Danish reputation really rests on the king's shoulders, and by acting irresponsibly, Claudius is soiling Denmark's reputation. This, unfortunately, is taking foreigners' attention away from the merits of the nation and towards its faults. How sad.

3. Reaction to the Ghost:
Finally! Some phantasmic action! Unlike the ghosts and witches in Macbeth, I really enjoyed the ghost in Hamlet. I think my intrigue springs from the movie, which did a nice job of portraying the eerie late Hamlet. In this scene, he is silent, which poses some questions. 1) Why can't he speak in front of Hamlet's friends? This is the second time he has refused to speak to them. 2) If the ghosts didn't speak to Hamlet's friends, is it possible that that he isn't speaking to mortals at all? In that case, is Hamlet hallucinating the bulk of the next scene? Hmmm... seems suspicious.

Blogging Hamlet: Act 1, Scene 2

1. Summary:
The scene opens with King Claudius's speech to his court, explaining his marriage to Gertrude. Claudius claims he misses his brother dearly, but becomes optimistic as he looks towards the future. Laertes asks for permission to return to France, and Claudius agrees, heartily giving his blessing. Claudius then chides Hamlet on how he has been mourning his father's death for to long. He does not wish for Hamlet to study in Whittenberg again, and asks Hamlet to stay in the castle. After the the king, queen, and courtiers leave, Hamlet begins to unload all his inner thoughts and troubles. However, is is cut short when Marcello, Bernando, and Horatio enter the room. They tell Hamlet of the sightings of his father's ghost, and Hamlet wishes he could have been there. He makes up his mind to look for his father's ghost when night comes.

4. Quote from the scene:
"Oh that this too too sullied flesh would melt,
Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew!
Or that the Everlasting had not fixed
His canon 'gainst self slaughter! Oh God, God."


I basically fell in love with Hamlet's soliloquy on pages 27 and 28. The passage highlights Hamlet's immense anguish at his father's untimely death a quite beautiful way. For example, Hamlet does not simply want to commit suicide. Rather, he wishes his "too too sullied flesh would melt... into a dew." His inner torment is expressed as he remarks how "weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable" the world now seems to him. He is tortured by the fact that in a mere month, his father passed away and his mother hastily married his uncle. He feels strangely misunderstood as he is alienated from his kingdom; it seems to him that he is the only mourner amidst an unwarranted celebration. He tenderly remembers his father, an "excellent king," and is confused by the conflicting images of his lovingly devoted mother prior to his father's death, and his blissfully apathetic mother after his father's passing. He curses the "wicked speed" but quickly quiets down when he hears someone approaching.


5. Reaction to Claudius:
King Claudius is frustrating me. His monologue on page 25 gave a strange urge to punch someone in the face. Hamelet is obviously mourning his father's death, but does Claudius leave him alone? No! He treats Hamelet's grief as a sin, condemning his nephew as one "of impious stubborness." He taunts Hamlet by calling his "mind impatient" and his "heart unfortified." He even blames Hamlet for finding "faults in heaven" and being "against the dead." In short, Claudius is actually treating Hamlet as one who is blatantly against his late father. What uncle does that? An uncle who's up to no good, that's who. You may have read my previous post about how I heard that Hamlet was like The Lion King. Well so far, it's sure turning out to be that way. In the movie, Simba has an evil uncle who gains the throne after the king's death. I'm going to make a prediction here - Claudius killed Hamlet's father.

Act 1, Scene 1

1. Summary: It is night in Elsinore, Denmark, and a night guard named Bernando is watching the grounds with a fellow guard named Marcello when Horatio, a friend of Prince Hamlet, arrives. Bernando and Marcello discuss an odd happening that has been occurring for the past two days: the ghost of the recently late King Hamlet seemingly walks about at night sporadically. Horatio, of course, doesn’t believe this. However, the ghost appears at that moment, astonishing Horatio. He notes that the ghost is clad in armor, and assumes that the ghost is warning the kingdom of an impending attack. However, before much more can be said, the vision disappears. In a few moments, however, it reappears, and this time, Horatio tries to speak to it. Unfortunately, dawn arrives and the phantom vaporizes once more before it has a chance to speak.
2. "What art thou that usurp'st this time of night,/Together with that fair and warlike form/In which the majesty of buried Denmark/Did sometimes march? By heaven, I charge thee, speak!" ~Horatio, lines 50-53
3. Coming soon!

Here's a quick illustration:

Oops. I started this before I found out about the "Odd" and "Normal" thing. Sorry.

Spoiler alert!

If you don’t know/haven’t read Hamelt, I would advise you not to read the following.

I’m really excited for Hamlet partially because it gives me an excuse to watch The Lion King again. From what I heard, the story of a prince whose father is slain by a jealous brother who flees his kingdom and lives with two great guys for years before finally returning to avenge his father’s death after seeing his father's apparition is not the brainchild of Disney, but rather Shakespeare. Of course, I’ve been told that Disney made some minor alterations. If The Lion King went perfectly with the book, Serabi (Simba’s mom) would have married Scar, and Simba himself would have died. But who really wants to see that?

Anyway, I’m super excited for Hamlet. (:
In my hype, I drew a little lion on the top of the Hamlet blogging instructions.














And then revamped it on paint:















:D
♥